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I go to Grooveshark from time to time to find new bands to listen to.

Found this little gem by chance today. It’s pretty cool. But more importantly sort of represents how I’m feeling right now.

I mean hell, isn’t that why people post songs in Social Media?

Lyrics for your convenience:

I. Somehow You Love Me

My heart is gone
It drove to the shore
Swam out in the night, way out pass the lines

I heard that now it lives in the south of west central Spain 
drinking off the pain
And I don’t blame it.
I’m filled with regret.

I wish I were him, could crawl out my skin.
Cause’ inside I’m broke, I’m cracked, I’m alone.
No hope for a change, no way to erase.

The world would be better without me.
So how could this be?
Somehow you love me.

II. Fucked Up Past The Point Of Fixing

I sat down to see the stars fall alone on the neighbors lawn.
I held my hand on my head down waiting to hear your call.
I thought i saw your headlights in the dark driving by your house.

I’m going out my mind.
I’m giving up the fight this time.
So love me all and go, no longer care if I die alone. 

The whole world is waiting, watching to see when your gonna fall.
Ten thousand faces staring and your back is against the wall.
Fucked up pass the point of fixing, so tell me what went wrong.

I’m going out my mind.
I’m giving up the fight this time.
Love me all and go, no longer care if I die alone. 

Cause’ in the darkness of my mind I used to dream of suicide.
I’m gonna pull myself out before I die.

I’m going out my mind.
I’m giving up the fight this time.
Love me all and go, no longer care if I die alone.


Now it’s eight in the morning, 
up all night just walking around.
I’m hiding out here under the window 
by the sink where we used to laugh all day long.

I wait till I see you walking 
from the bedroom down to the kitchen.
Fingering your hand into curls while talking 
on the phone resting on your collarbone.

Here I come again, head is hanging low.
You put down the phone, take me in our arms.
And I’m all alone with you my love.

And did you hear me coming?

Running over the words I said last night. 
While wishing I never saw your eyes 
swell up with tears dripping down your thighs.
I can’t let it go, I’m lost inside.

I can get so low.

Seems like there’s no up and I’m all alone
So take me in your arms knowing I’m the one.

IV. Zig Zag

I turn around to say how could you still love me. 
Sun is shining, lighting up your face.
You stare off into space not knowing what to say.
Searching for the words to set things straight so I say…

I’m a Zig Zag sideways, upside down, out of my mind
What’s the point of living if were all just born to die.
You say why?

Why ask why?

I say “I get fucked up.”
You say “delusional.”
Somehow will you still open arms.

"Come with me" you say. 
We step outside to face the sun.
Yesterday I dream that it would all bend out to dust.

V. Daybreak

Take a breath, turn around. 
See the sun come through the clouds, the light alive in your eyes.
Standing here by your side of an arm under the sky.
I know I want to hold on.

The letters left on the lawn.

The shadows crawling the wall.
The mirror shatters and falls.

I’ve been lost for so long, no more will to carry on.
So dark and dead in the seas.

Nothing left in the end.
And to pray is to pretend.
I’m tired of trying to believe.

So can we learn to forget.
I wanna hold you again.
Can we love remember our love.

I can get so low.
Seems like there’s no up and I’m all alone
So take me in your arms knowing I’m the one.

Tearing the Flesh off of the Bone and Meat.

Dear Diary,

Today I discovered that I’m not a psychopath.

Mom looked like she needed help separating frozen chicken meat before putting it in her soup. I offered, but discovered I couldn’t do it, not because of my weak upper arm strength but because I could feel the tendons and bones getting crushed by my effort. I eventually did it, but couldn’t help feel a bit nauseous afterwards.

So yeah. Great news for the people I’ve vowed to kill (disclaimer: i haven’t vowed killing anyone), I’m still going to kill you. But not in the brutal way you imagined.

For added points: I’ve played and watched countless gore over the years, but still couldn’t do it, to a piece of dead chicken to boot. So no, vidya gaemz don’t make you into monsters. Sometimes you just already are one


Felt the need to write this, will try to keep it short.

So the new Starcraft 2 Theme by Yorgash finally came out. It’s tagged as an Alpha but my eagerness didn’t stop me from getting it anyway.

I knew there were going to be some bugs, but being an experienced modder for windows I felt that I could handle anything that comes. Plus, if anything happens I can just ask my friends for a bootable usb.

Of course, confidence sometimes breeds arrogance.

Anyway, I was tinkering with the shell aspect of the theme (shell32.dll). For those uninitiated, Shell32.dll is the file that defines how the Windows 7 User Interface looks (all the ones untouched by the themes). IE: It makes the theme better if every part of windows looks right.

Unfortunately I accidentally made a crucial error with it and.. well, fucked it up. What’s worse is that I restarted my PC, which, since I had a corrupted shell, made windows basically unusable.

Simple enough problem to fix. Just use the command prompt to—- Well, basically just restore the corrupted with the backup. I knew what to do but not exactly how to do it.

Simple enough, just google it using the wifi an— 

Oh wait. I was trying something out with the connections and managed to restrict Wi-fi access to my Laptop and Phone.

Going to a war armed with a knife. That’s what it felt like. I could have just asked for the backups from my friends, but something itched behind my head, scratching just inside my brain that I could do this.

I made my own mess, I should fix it myself.

All I had going for me was my penchant for using the command prompt and a cup of cold coffee as well as that itch inside my head.

[Technobabble] I tried to delete the shell from windows so I could replace it with the new one but of course access restrictions prevented me from doing so, even through safe mode. It was frustrating! With no internet I had no way on researching how to elevate the CLI to be able to bypass that restriction I was stuck.

And without LAN access to the router I couldn’t restore Wi-fi to my phone and Laptop (Couldn’t LAN through Laptop. Security stuff).

30 minutes of looking at a blank screen and I almost gave up. I wanted to call for help, tap out and just go the easy route. But that would be admitting to failure, that I, Judes, proclaimed PC guy, can’t even fix my own shit. 

And I can’t have that.

So, I grit my teeth and kept staring at that monitor. I needed to be creative. There had to be something I could use, something simple and so uncomplicated that’s staring me right in the face. I needed to do this.  Then it came to me. That wonderful, simple solution:

[Technobabble] Just renamed the shell into another name then restored the original one. Brilliant, Microsoft!!

Relieved, I finally finished my cup of coffee and am now the proud user of this neat skin (Screenshot at the top).

I mean I could have given up. Asked help for my friends, bring over their laptop and give me a bootable copy of their OS so I can take the easy way out and finish the work. But deep inside me I KNEW that I could fix it. I knew I had the tools, all I needed was to realize how to properly use those tools to do what I wanted.

It felt so satisfying to be right. I admit I’m one for giving up early so I can take another path to avoid wasting effort. This is one of those lessons I have to keep reminding myself, and I’m glad I stuck to it and finished it my way.

Yeah, well, the lesson of the story is don’t fuck with your computer.

Oh and don’t give up or something. I don’t know. I’m just some guy.

Protip: Up is Down

Wvzi kvihlm hnzig vmlfts gl pmld sld gl wvxlwv gsrh,
Ozgvob R szevm’g yvvm szermt ufm drgs zmbgsrmt tznrmt ivozgvw. Dvoo, mlg zh nfxs zh R fhvw gl szev. Gsrh ivzorazgrlm dlfow vmw fk xsvvirmt nb uznrob gl ml vmw R yvg, svmxv dsb rg’h vmxlwvw. Sldvevi, rmhgvzw lu dzmgrmt gl nlev lm gl mvd gsrmth R uvvo nliv wrhsvzigvmvw hlnvsld. Blf hvv, lmv lu gsv ivzhlmh R vmqlbvw Erwvl tznvh hl nfxs dzh yvxzfhv lu gsv xszoovmtv, hkvxrurxzoob, sld R hvvn gl szev gsv mzgfizo pmzxp lu levixlnrmt gsvn. Ivzo oruv ylivw nv yvxzfhv mlgsrmt dzh dligs gsv rmevhgnvmg (nzgs? ovo) yfg ozgvob, R wlm’g pmld. R uli hlnv ivzhlm li zmlgsvi R uvvo hl… lfg lu glfxs? Ylivw? R xzm’g wvhxiryv rg.

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Rg yvxznv nb qly.

R dlipvw hl sziw gsv kzhg uvd bvzih xszhrmt dszg R gslftsg dzh nb gifv xzoormt. Gsviv dviv gdl prmwh lu kvlkov dsl dviv zilfmw nv gszg grnv. Gslhv gszg glow nv R hslfow uloold nb wivzn, zmw gslhv gszg glow nv gszg R hslfowm’g tl wldm gsrh ilzw. Rg dzh uli wruuvivmg ivzhlmh. Hlnv gvoo nv gszg R hslfowm’g kfg nb oruv lm erwbz, lgsvih hzb gszg gsv tznv R’n kfihfrmt droo mvevi hfxxvvw rm gsrh xlfmgib. Zmw uli z grnv gsvb dviv zoo dilmt. Hgzixizug dzh yllnrmt. Yrttvi zmw yvggvi gszm rg vevi dzh rm gsv Ksrorkkrmvh. Rg dzh zz vfkslirx irwv. Yfg lu xlfihv, yfyyovh yfihg vevmgfzoob zmw R gsrmp gszg szkkvmvw ozhg bvzi. Ztzrm, R dlipvw hl sziw yfg vevibgsrmt hvvnvw gl qfhg yv tlrmt dilmt zmw wldm gszg ml nzggvi sld sziw dv zoo dlipvw gl nzpv Hgzixizug dlip rg zoo pvkg lm uzoormt. Irtsg mld rg’h hrggrmt sviv. Ls, rg’h hlig lu zorev. Mlg zh rg lmxv dzh. Yfg nlhg lu fh pmld gszg rgh kirnv szh kzhhvw zmw rg droo mvevi yv zh yrt zh rg dzh. Orpv nv hlnv ziv tozw gl szev vevi vckvirvmxvw rg, lgsvih dsl ziv mvdvi ziv slkrmt gszg gsv yvhg wzbh ziv xlnrmt.

Zmbdzb R’n tvggrmt luu-gizxp. Zohl R gsrmp gsrh rh vmwrmt fk olmtvi gszm R gslftsg.

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R wlm’g dzmg gl, hgroo. Yfg R’n gll grivw gl urtsg. Zmw gsv dliow rh gll yrt. R dzmg gl gsrmp gszg rg’h mlg. Yfg rg rh, zmw wvofwrmt nbhvou droo mlg svok zmblmv.

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R’n yvggrmt lm Olev gl xsvvi nv fk. Tlw R *zn* wvhkvizgv.

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